The Olympics are when we celebrate the greatest athletes in the world. Newscasts will make sure to narrate for you a competitor’s complete life story to convince you to root for them, and even without that, their performance speaks for itself. On the off-chance that someone unqualified weasels their way into the Olympics, they’re quickly humbled as they face off against the best of the best.
At least, that’s what usually happens. Or maybe someone gets a medal for no reason at all.
Britain Got the Silver in Tug-of-War Despite Placing Last
For 20 years, from 1900 to 1920, tug-of-war was an Olympic event. The way it worked, nations would field teams who competed against each other in a tournament. Each nation was allowed to send multiple teams, which could lead to some strange results. In 1904, the United States sent three teams, and the U.S. resultantly won gold, silver and bronze. Still, they were competing against teams from multiple other countries, so those wins were legit.
We’re not sure we can say the same for 1912. There were supposed to be ten matches between teams from five countries. Three of the teams — Austria, Bohemia and Luxembourg — didn’t show up. That left just Britain and Sweden, who now did one single match, which Sweden won. That left Britain in second place, and meant they went home with the silver, even though they’d beaten no one.
We don’t know why those other teams dropped out. Maybe it was in protest of how Britain had behaved last time. They’d shown up in special heavy shoes that clung to the ground. Armed with this advantage, they were the ones who won gold, silver and bronze that time.
The Slowest Swimmer Won the Race in 2000
In 2000, Eric Moussambani from Equatorial Guinea qualified for the 100-meter freestyle under a surprising rule. This rule said certain small countries that otherwise qualified no swimmers were allowed to send someone, no questions asked. This rule (which has since been removed) meant that Moussambani reached the event having never even seen an Olympic-size pool before. He’d done all his training in a hotel pool measuring 20 meters.
That underdog story would set up one hell of a twist if Moussambani went on to swim faster than his experienced competitors. In reality, and most predictably, he swam slower than any of them. In fact, he swam slower than any competitor in history. Spectators watching him feared he might not manage the full distance at all and maybe someone would need to save him.
But he made it to the end — he went the distance, like Rocky, to cheers from the crowd. Not only that: He won that race. Every single other competitors started early, and those false starts meant they were disqualified. It’s possible to simply measure the exact time someone takes to finish and award them accordingly regardless of when then started, but no — if you start early, you’re out. Rules are rules. So, during most of Moussambani’s swim, he wasn’t racing against anyone at all. The clock ticked, and the crowd watched, but he was the only one in the pool.
The Last Skater Was Also the Last Man Standing
We’re not sure what’s more ridiculous, that last story or this similar next one. This one might win out, simply by beating it on the slapstick scale.
This was the 2002 Olympics, and the name of the game was speed skating. Obviously, the winner is whoever completes their laps around the rink quickest, and in addition to speed, this requires a certain amount of control and pacing. Throughout the race below, you’ll see that Australian competitor Steven Bradbury is in last place. The remaining skaters are fairly close to him, however — until the last couple laps, when they remain close to each other but all pull far ahead of Bradbury. There’s surely no way he can make up that gap.
Then one competitor in front collides with another. They both fall, and in the process, the other two fall as well since they’re too close to the first two to veer out of the way. They all end up flat on the ice, except for Bradbury, who finishes the race and wins the gold.
This was in fact the first gold medal Australia ever won at the Winter Olympics. That makes sense, because according to a correspondent who visited Australia one time in December, Australia doesn’t have a winter.
The Architect
From 1912 to 1948, the Olympics offered medals in five art categories. Judges gave awards in sculpture, painting, music and literature, and as thrilling as it would have been to watch five authors race to write novels in real-time, artists instead composed the works long in advance and then submitted them for assessment. All works had to be sports-themed, and few of the world’s serious artists deigned to take part.
Since the works were submitted, rather than being made at the event itself, one time, the Olympics gave an art medal to a dead guy. Belgian sculptor Josue Dupon died in 1935, but the 1936 Olympics still awarded him a medal. They awarded him a medal for designing medals.
While that may sound a little circle jerky, this next piece went further:
That was submitted in 1928 for the fifth art category, architecture. The competitor from France offered a drawing of the Stadium at Versailles. The competitor from Denmark offered plans for a swimming pool. Jan Wils, from the Netherlands? He offered up the above stadium. It was the very stadium everyone was sitting in, the Olympic Stadium in Amsterdam. Judges gave it the gold.
Of course they did. It’s like if we hold a competition for “best sphere” and someone submits “Earth.” It’s impressive that they made it, but we aren’t sure it’s fair that it’s up for consideration.
Nero’s Chariot Crashed But Was Declared the Winner
Those art categories hearkened back to the Ancient Olympics, which featured such categories as music and singing. Both those categories were created by Emperor Nero, who added them because he fancied himself a talented musician and singer. You might have heard about Nero fiddling as Rome burned, and though he didn’t actually do that, he did play the lyre in the Olympics. The judges named him the winner in that category, as well as in the categories of singing and acting.
Nero moved these Olympics from the year 66 to 67, since he was free to travel to Athens in 67 and wanted to take part. In addition to adding and winning the art categories, he competed in the field of chariot racing. Each competitor rode a chariot with four horses. Nero rode a chariot with 10. Cheating in this way should have netted him an easy win, but he wasn’t a very good driver, so he crashed and fell out. Still, the judges declared him the winner. He hadn’t completed the race, but they reasoned that if he had finished it, he surely would have won.
He died the following year, probably by stabbing his own throat. That entire Olympics was later declared fraudulent due to Nero’s intervention and bribes. Whatever else happens at today’s Olympics, at least we don’t have to worry about organizers twisting the whole thing around the demands of one dictator. Not until Los Angeles 2028, anyway.
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